Here Now
by lori51
Summary: Carrie and Al try to figure out where to go from here. Post-ep for "The Man in the Woods."
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I don't know where this came from. It just showed up, and wouldn't go away, kind of a post-ep for the finale. I love this show and these two together, and I think they could use more fics, so… I don't really know where it's going, so if you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

07/12: So this story wouldn't leave me alone, and I've decided to rework it as a multi-chap. I wasn't happy with it, as my muse just up and left this story, but I like it a little better now. :)

Author: Lori51

Rating: T

Disclaimer: Characters and songs are not mine.

Category: Carrie/Al

Drama/Romance

Summary: Carrie and Al try to figure out where to go from here. Post-ep for "The Man in the Woods."

Al drove. He felt the smile begin to spread its way across his face without his permission. He didn't dare move, didn't dare look over at her in the passenger's seat, barely dared to breathe. He couldn't have in his wildest dreams imagined that he could possibly be here again, no, not _there_, where they'd been in the past, but _here now_, with a much better understanding of who each other was, where they were and where they were going. It had been so long, _so long_, that they had been apart, and he imagined that both of them now realized the value of what they had had, and what they could have again. Together. He knew he did. He had never stopped loving her, not for one day, not for one moment, and he knew now what she needed from him. It wasn't too much. It would never be too much for him. He would always be there for her in whatever capacity she would allow, but here, with her, with the feeling that they were finally together again was exactly where he wanted to be.

He listened to her slow and even breathing, knowing her mind was taking her to place after place she didn't want to go back to, and knowing there wasn't a damn thing he could do to help her with that. But he would be here for her, always. He felt her hand cover his on his thigh, and he looked over with what he hoped was a gentle smile, not betraying a hint of the giddy joy rushing through his bloodstream right now. They rode like that for a while, not moving, not speaking, and finally he moved his fingers just enough to intertwine them with hers. He looked over at her again, calmly, much calmer than he felt right now, and this time she met his eyes, and in them he saw the guarded presence of the echo of the utter bliss that he was feeling right now. A hint of a smile in her eyes now, she lifted her right hand to the radio dial and flicked it on.

Instantly sound filled the car. He almost laughed out loud. Every time he heard this song he thought of her. Hell, every time he heard _any_ song he thought of her. The happy ones applied to the way they had been together. The sad ones fit the years they had been apart.

_Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor_

_Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore_

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind_

_For me it happens all the time_

He smiled fondly, thinking of all the times he had heard it and thought of her, knowing that what he felt was a fraction of what she did, because she had the gift—or the curse—of replaying any memory of the two of them together at any point in time at will. Sometimes he wished he could do the same, and then he didn't, because he knew it came with a price. Hindsight was truly twenty-twenty, but Carrie had to look at every mistake she had ever made and feel its burn again and again. He had hoped that she regretted what had happened with the two of them, so many times, because he did, because he had missed her so much every single day. Also, he didn't, because he loved her still, and he had hoped, for those many years he had had no idea where she was, that wherever she was, she was happy and loved.

_It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now_

_Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now_

_And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now_

So many times he had wanted to pick up the phone and call her, just to know she was okay. So many times he had wanted to search for her, to find her, to hunt her down with demands and ultimatums that he had no hope of living up to. She was a part of him, and her absence had never changed that fact. She was a part of his soul, and he felt that he could breathe again now, just as he'd felt the night of the case at her apartment building, when he'd seen her again, after so many years. Like he was whole again.

_Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door_

_Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before_

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind_

_For me it happens all the time_

Images of the night before rolled through his mind, re-igniting his smile even as they heated his blood. The first time had been frantic, frenzied, hungry and wild. He hadn't been able to find most of the buttons of the shirt she'd ripped off of him. She had looked at it ruefully this morning. "I really liked this one on you," she'd said, with a little frown, and he'd kissed her. "Guess you'll have to fix it, then," he'd told her with a grin. He could care less about his shirt. The second time had been… just as hot, hungry and wild. It was like they had so much time to make up for, too much time, and the urgency had nearly overpowered them both. They couldn't get enough of each other. After that, it had been slow and sweet and full of love. They had always had love. That had never been their problem. And then they had come together again, with all the trust and all the knowledge that those long lonely years had given them both. It had never been this good with anyone else. They both knew that now. They both knew what they wanted. It was perfect. They hadn't talked about it, but he was hoping that last night was a new beginning for both of them, because today he felt that the world had changed in some very fundamental way, that started and ended with her, and he never wanted to go back.

The next song started, and Carrie almost groaned. Al was as silent as she was, and she was sure he was as lost in his own memories as she was.

_There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark_

_Finally, I can see you crystal clear. Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare._

_See how I leave, with every piece of you. Don't underestimate the things that I will do._

_There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark._

_The scars of your love remind me of us. They keep me thinking that we almost had it all._

_The scars of your love, they leave me breathless. I can't help feeling…_

_We could have had it all_

_Rolling in the deep_

_You had my heart inside of your hand_

_And you played it to the beat_

They _had_ had it all. And she was the one to throw it away. It didn't make it any easier. She couldn't have asked for more than Al Burns. He was so easy to love. He was such a Boy Scout, such a stickler for the rules, and yet he understood her, and he accepted her the way she was. He accepted her need to bend the rules sometimes, to go her own way. He didn't always like it, but she knew that he worried for her more than anything else. He was afraid she would get herself killed, and he was afraid she would go too far.

None of those fears were unfounded. She did go too far, lots of times. Luckily for her, she had Al in her corner again, watching her back. He was always there for her, as much as she allowed him to be. He didn't judge her, didn't placate her, didn't lie to her. He had never let her down. Even before, with her sister's case, she knew that he was trying to look out for her best interests the only way he knew how. Even when he infuriated her, the way he loved her and wanted to protect her above all else had always shone through. He always put her first. She wished she could say the same about him. He was the most honorable man she had ever known. She had never trusted anyone the way she trusted him. She wasn't good enough for him. She knew that as surely now as she always had. But now it didn't seem to matter like it once had. If he hadn't figured it out by now, she figured, what the hell.

It had been such a shock that night, at her apartment building, to see him there. The years had rolled away like they had never existed in the first place. And then she was back at work before she even realized he had talked her into it, and it was just like it used to be. They worked seamlessly together, always had. It had been beyond hard to see him with someone else. It hadn't seemed right to her. But she had known it was her own fault. He hadn't left her. She had left him. She hadn't been able to commit to him, to them. He had never had that problem. He had always been sure of her, sure of them, and had always been able to show it. She was the one who had faltered, and lost him. Knowing it didn't make it any easier to see him with Elaine. It had made her gut sick for a while. And then she realized that at least she had him at work. He was her best friend; she could talk to him about anything. It was a gift to have that back.

She watched him covertly while he drove, silent, steady, confident. He did everything like that, and it made him a wonder to her. It seemed like she second-guessed everything she did, but not Al. He was sure. Reliable. A rock. Her rock. He must have felt her eyes on him, because he turned to her with a small smile on his face. "You okay?" he asked, squeezing her fingers lightly. She nodded. "Yeah." It was barely a whisper, because everything was crashing down on her at once and she had lost all of her faculties of reason. She had missed him so much, _so much_. And while it had been good to work with him again, to see him every day and fall back into that rhythm, she had missed this too, being with him like this. The radio caught her attention again, and it was all she could do not to reach over and slap it to shut it off. She didn't know how much more of this she could take.

_I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears_

_And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave_

_Your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone_

_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time will not erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

_You used to captivate me by your resonating light_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

_Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me_

_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_When you cried I'd wipe away all your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_

_But though you're still with me I've been alone all along_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

Carrie huffed out a laugh and looked over at Al through the tears in her eyes. "I think it's a conspiracy. Every damn song sounds like it was written about our lives."

He just looked at her. "Every song was written about our lives."

That made her laugh. "Well, then our lives are pretty damn depressing. I should have brought my iPod. Or a bottle of vodka."

"They _were_ pretty damn depressing. They're looking up now."

Carrie looked into his eyes, so warm and blue and gentle, and that was so Al. Never reproaching, never accusing. Just there. Supporting her the way he always had. Why had she never seen it until now? She wished they would hurry up and get to the airport. She was suddenly in a hurry to get home and be alone with this man. Why had she waited so long? She wanted to kiss him, touch him, fall asleep in his arms again. Waking up this morning had been fantastic. She wanted to do it again as soon as possible.

God, it was like no time had passed and she was instantly addicted to him all over again. It made her wonder how she had managed to stay away from him all these years, especially once they'd found each other again. She couldn't bear it now. She thought she never would again. She realized he had looked back at the road out of necessity, and a slow smile spread its way across her face without conscious thought. "Yeah," she said as the smile reached her eyes. "They certainly are." He looked back at her, as if reading the direction of her thoughts, and smiled one of those genuine Al smiles that made her heart do a slow somersault in her chest. Damn that man. Just… damn. He had her. And the mischief in his eyes told her that he knew it, too. He looked entirely too pleased with himself. And she was okay with that.

TBC...

"Need You Now," Lady Antebellum

"Rolling in the Deep," Adele

"My Immortal," Evanescence


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Not mine

A/N: This isn't exactly a new chapter; I just decided to make it into a multi-chap, and split up the first part. This chapter ventures into M territory. Just a little. :)

Two

Al looked past her out the window, and then he focused on Carrie. It was going to be a very long flight. He could already feel her withdrawing, her joking banter gone silent as she stared out the window. He didn't want that, but there was nothing he could do about it. If she was going to make up her mind to do this, it had to come from her. He leaned in close. "Hey, how ya doin'?"

Carrie jolted when she felt his warm breath on her neck. She turned to look at him and they were nose to nose. She smiled. _God, would she ever get used to this?_ Her senses reeled from his closeness, and his warm smile, and the utter adoration in his eyes. It took all of the self-control she never knew she possessed to keep from launching herself at him. "I'm good. Getting hungry, though."

"Me, too. Want to get dinner when we get there? It'll be too late to go back to the office." Just barely too late, but he honestly didn't care. He didn't want to go back to the office.

"Sure. What do you feel like?"

"Well, there's a place I've been wanting to take you to. I think you'll like it."

Her inner jealous harpy sprang instantly to life even as Carrie watched in horror. "Oh, like I want to sit at you and Elaine's table—"

He cut her off. Al the Perfect Gentleman actually cut her off. "I never took her there," he said quietly. "I was saving it for you." The intensity and utter sincerely of his words melted her. She knew he meant them.

"Oh, really? Then how do you know about this place?" she fired back, in self defense, but the venom was gone. Her voice, her demeanor and her eyes—her entire countenance—had softened completely. She was really so hopelessly in love with this man that it was just pathetic.

"The team took me there for my birthday a while back. First thing I thought was, I have to bring Carrie here."

"Aww, you and the team go out to dinner without me?"

"It was a long time ago, Care. Years ago. Long before you were here. Or before I knew you were here."

He looked at her steadily while she processed that. It didn't take long. Al was thinking of her years ago. Before they met again at her building. Annnnnd… cue the panic attack. She couldn't do this. She couldn't be what he needed. She couldn't see herself as a PTA mom in suburbia with a minivan and a little dog. And kids? _Holy crap._ Al would want kids. Al _should_ have kids. He would be a great father. And she couldn't do this. She didn't know how. Immediately she pulled herself back. "Al, what are we doing?"

Inwardly he sighed. He could see it in her eyes. She didn't think she was ready. He thought she was. But they didn't have to do this now. He could wait for it. Right now he just wanted to get that look of panic off of her face. He lifted a hand and began touring her face with his fingers, slow and leisurely, following with his lips. "Whatever we want," be breathed into her neck.

Carrie closed her eyes at the whisper-soft touch of his lips on her neck._ Oh God_, this man played dirty. She loved it about him. When her eyes opened again, they were full of lust and he would take it. He kissed her softly, slowly, like he had wanted to last night before her mouth had met his and their need for each other had exploded. That couldn't happen here, so he fought to keep it sweet and easy. That worked for about a minute until their hands began to roam and their tongues intertwined, and they broke apart, both breathing hard. Al nearly groaned when he saw that look in her eyes. He knew that look.

"I need you."

"Baby, so do I, but—"

"Now, Al, I can't wait." Damned if the urgency in her tone didn't just speed up the process. He groaned.

"Carrie, we can't…" He was still shaking his head as she was rising and sliding past him, brushing him deliberately and forcing a low groan from his chest. She stopped, looked back at him, and gave the length of his body a long, deliberate, slow perusal, ending with her eyes on his. "Five minutes," she mouthed, and she was gone down the aisle. Al dropped his head back onto his seat cushion. He wasn't going to do this.

When the door opened four and a half minutes later she yanked him in by his shirt and her mouth was immediately on his. He was right there with her, kissing her just as hungrily, devouring her as her hands went to his belt buckle. "I thought you weren't coming." His hands were just as swift and busy. He yanked her shirt down just enough to expose a nipple, sucking it hard through the lace of her bra and making her moan his name. Loudly. He pulled back menacingly and put his hand over her mouth. "Shhh." He stared at her, panting now as she freed him from his pants.

"I need to be inside of you. Now." He didn't recognize the sound of his own voice. Carrie did, and it sent a dark thrill through every cell of her body.

"Oh, God, Al, _yes_," she moaned, just as he slid her pants and panties just enough and then he was exactly where he wanted to be. They both moaned loudly and Carrie bit down on his shoulder to keep the noise down even as he lifted her in his arms and pressed her into the wall, setting a crazy pace that he had no way of maintaining but it didn't matter because his smell and her taste and his voice and her passionate response had already dragged both of them to the edge and pushed them over. Carrie thought it might take her longer to catch her breath afterwards, but that didn't matter in the least because it was that good.

"I want more," she said once she regained the power of speech. Al raised an eyebrow. "Now?"

Carrie smiled. "After dinner."

"Okay."

"Your place or mine?"

"Well, I haven't exactly gotten around to getting a place yet. I've been a little busy." With her problems, even though she knew he was too gallant to say it. But it was still true. He had been living out of a hotel for weeks while he helped her sort out the whole mess with Morgan and then Syracuse. All of which he had had to find out about after the fact because she had been too scared to tell him. And yet here he was, standing beside her anyway, forgiving her as he always did, loving her as he always had. With everything he had to give. She didn't plan the words, didn't even think them. They just popped out of her mouth.

"Move in with me." He could tell by the way her eyes widened in shock that she had surprised herself.

"Do you mean it?" he asked so kindly that she suddenly knew that she did.

"Yes," she whispered, her eyes never leaving his. "I should have done it a long time ago." When he'd asked her. A long time ago.

"Okay," he said, and kissed her. With Al it was that simple.

It had taken them forever to get home. Carrie unlocked the door and then they were inside and Al had her pinned to the door with his body as their mouths met ravenously, as if it had been a lifetime since they'd had this. They couldn't wait, but after the little plane episode that he still didn't regret, Al knew his back wasn't up to it, so he guided her in the direction of the sofa as Carrie ripped off yet another one of his shirts and began moving down his chest with frenzied licks and nips even as they staggered across the room. She pushed him back onto the couch roughly as she continued her trajectory, pausing just long enough to rip open his belt and his zipper, and then he was groaning loudly in pleasure as she let her tongue out to play. Her lust-filled eyes on his told him that she remembered this very well and was very much looking forward to catching up.

He held out as long as he could before he was dragging her up over his chest, crushing her mouth to his before he picked her up and took her straight to her bed. He was loving this, every minute of it, but for everything he wanted to do to her-with her- right now, he really needed a bed. Once he got her there, he turned the tables on her, taking his sweet time with every touch, every kiss, every caress, showing her without a doubt just how he felt about her, until she knew she'd never had this with another, and never would.

"So was I right about the restaurant, or was I right about the restaurant?" he asked sleepily as she snuggled up onto his chest with a very contented sigh and he wrapped his arms around her. His voice was smug but right now she just didn't care. "Right, of course," she mumbled into his chest.

TBC...

**A/N: OK, fine, maybe the plane incident is a little OOC, but I think she could talk him into it.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

Three

Carrie grumbled when the alarm began to blare, ignored it for as long as she could, and then stretched across the bed to shut it off. It took her by surprise when two strong arms wrapped around her and pulled her into his chest. She smiled sleepily and allowed herself to be pulled.

"It's too early," Al mumbled into her hair. He didn't want this day to start. He didn't want to leave this bed, where she had actually slept all night with him, curled into his chest as if she'd never let go. Things were going too well; he wanted them to stay just like this.

Carrie turned into him with the same thought in her mind: to stay with him, just like this, for as long as possible. They lay in silence, just enjoying the feeling, for what felt like forever until the alarm jerked to life again and Carrie sighed. She looked up at him with a slow and wicked smile. "I'm going to take a shower. Join me."

Al didn't need to be asked twice.

Under the spray of hot water, Carrie marveled at the intimate feeling of Al behind her, washing her shoulders and back while he nibbled on her neck, and thought that this couldn't be happening. It was like all that time had fallen away and she'd been given a second chance. They'd been given a second chance. She wasn't going to squander it this time. This man meant too much to her, and it had taken too long for her to realize just how much. Life was too short. She turned in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck. She kissed him softly before pulling back to look into his eyes. "I love you," she breathed. She figured he already knew, but she wanted to be sure. He smiled that smile she loved, the smile that reached his eyes and _oh God_ he was beautiful when he smiled at her like that.

"I know," he said.

They were headed outside hand in hand when Carrie stopped at her car. "Should we take two cars?"

Al shrugged. "Whatever you want."

Carrie fought the urge to roll her eyes. "People are going to see us come in together if we take one car."

He took a step closer to her. "Let them. It doesn't matter, Carrie. Let's do what we want. I'll talk to the chief today, but I can't imagine it will make a difference." He looked at her car and smirked. "I think we should take the Charger. And I think I should drive."

Carrie snorted and shoved him. "Ha. We'll take the Charger. I'll drive." She was still smirking at him as she fired up the engine and they roared out of her neighborhood.

They were the first to arrive at the station, and they sat together at his desk, over doughnuts and coffee, talking about nothing that mattered. Carrie found herself just watching him, her elbows propped onto his desk and her chin in her hands. "What are we going to do about…" she made a wide gesture to the two of them with a sweeping hand. "You know, this whole… this whole _thing_."

Al smiled. Miss Rule-Bender herself seemed nervous. "Why do we need to do anything? We're both professionals. We'll be fine. It didn't make a difference in Syracuse."

She looked at him blandly. "This isn't Syracuse."

"No, but I don't see that there'll be a problem. Let's face it, everyone in this house knows there's something between us; they're just too polite to say it. It hasn't interfered with our work yet." Too much. He imagined it would be a lot easier now, if they could actually find a way to be happy together. He wouldn't have to watch her go out with losers to fill that void, and he could stop pretending to be someone he wasn't.

Carrie looked up at him hesitantly, which was unusual for her. "What?" he asked her gently.

"I was just… I was thinking that maybe we could look for another place. Someplace we both like, together." She shrugged, looking away. "You know, someplace _ours_."

It was impossible to keep the grin from sweeping across his face. That it had come from her made it that much sweeter. He reached for her hands and brought them to his mouth, kissing them delightedly. His eyes were still on hers, and the adoration in them was plain. "I love that idea," he said into her skin, melting her completely. _And I love you_ was unspoken, but clearly understood.

Though she was so nervous, she tried her best to hide it. This was why Al was good for her. Al saw the good in everything, while she was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. A lot of times it did, but there were just enough times it didn't to invalidate her theory. And, truth be told, it was just _so tiring_. It was all too much sometimes... a lot of times. She needed this. She needed him and his light. She had no idea, just now, how she'd survived at all without them, all this time.

Mike and Nina arrived just on time, and found Roe staring intently into the boss' office. "What are we looking at?" Mike asked mildly.

Roe looked from Mike to Nina, perplexed. "When did that happen?" They followed his gaze to Al and Carrie, their faces about three inches apart over Al's desk. Roe didn't think the desk stood a chance against all that electricity, and he waited for it to burst into flames. Al was holding both of Carrie's hands in his, and Carrie… Carrie was definitely looking at him as a man, as a lover, certainly not as a friend, a co-worker, or a boss.

Nina snorted. "When has it not happened? Took them long enough."

Mike looked at her in surprise. "You don't think they're back together? You know I love Carrie, but that girl's got issues. Al is way too straight for a woman like that."

Nina cocked an eyebrow, a smug look on her face. "Which is why they're perfect for each other. They even each other out."

Mike still looked confused. "What about Elaine?"

Roe snorted. "Even I knew Elaine was history."

"Really? I thought she was good for him."

Nina laughed. "Please. Elaine had all the personality of saran wrap."

Roe looked up seriously. "Saran wrap's no fun."

"My point exactly."

Al must have noticed them standing outside his office discussing his personal life because he motioned them in. "Hey, we brought doughnuts if anyone's hungry." The three of them exchanged glances while Carrie smiled, finally able to tear herself away from those eyes and looking away, biting her lip to keep from laughing out loud. God, this man had her under his spell. How could they not all see it? She thought that everything she was feeling right now must be written plainly on her face for the world to see.

Roe took one and made himself at home, leaning a shoulder against the wall, looking from Carrie to Al and back. "So, uh, anything we should, ah, know?"

Carrie raised a brow, amused. "About?" she asked, cocking her head, waiting to see if he would say it.

He motioned with his head as the others smirked at him. "You know… '_we_' brought doughnuts? It that the royal 'we' or what?"

Al just looked at him, shook his head, and looked back at Carrie. She smiled at him, still holding his eyes with her own as she rose to her feet. "I'm going to get started on that urgent matter we discussed," she told him, laughter in her eyes that he loved to see. "If I find anything, I'll send it to you." He watched her leave his office and looked at the others, daring them to say something, which they tacitly declined by backing out slowly. He shook his head. He still thought that this may very well be a dream that he would find himself waking up from way too soon. Because after two nights with Carrie Wells in his arms again, he felt like all his dreams had just come true.

TBC...

**A/N: Yes, I realize it's somewhat sappy. That's the way I wanted it. This is all I've got for now, but there will be more. Any ideas, please shoot them my way. I'm all ears. Thanks for reading. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

**A/N: Thanks for reading and letting me know you like. I have no idea where this one is going and it's making me a little nervous… Heading back into M-ville with this chapter. Sooner or later I'll have to just take up residence there. There's a little plot… not much, but a little… :D**

Four

Carrie was surprised when they both enthusiastically agreed on the third place they looked at. She was more surprised when she found out that Al had enlisted the team to help them move in.

"Relax," he told her, wrapping his arms around her from behind and kissing her neck. "It won't go away if someone actually catches you being happy."

"I know that. I do. It's just… it's just too new. I don't know how to act. I don't know how to be this—" She gestured to the both of them, "in front of people." Okay, she'd done it before. But things were different now. It felt different, at least. Before she could say that they were just having a good time together, just enjoying each other. Now? It felt pretty damn serious. Moving. In. Together. Holy crap.

He turned her in his arms and kissed her thoroughly, as if sensing her disquiet. "It's easy. Just keep doing what you're doing. Besides, it's not just anyone. They're my family, and they'd be yours too if you'd let them." How was it that this man could soothe her fears so easily?

She didn't want to talk about this right now, so she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him sensuously. Al was only too happy to let her take it deeper, even as he knew exactly what she was doing. It didn't much matter to him. He liked this just as good.

The door opened, and Mike and Roe came in, carrying furniture. "Oh, I see, _this_ is why you needed our help," Mike commented drily. "Because you're busy." She smiled in spite of herself against his mouth.

Al grinned as he pulled back reluctantly, his breathing somewhat labored, keeping her in front of him to mask the giant hard-on she knew damn well she'd provoked by using her tongue in just… that… way… "I am busy," he growled, and Carrie smirked at him, loving her power over him, and really, just loving him.

It really wasn't as hard as she'd thought it would be. He made it easy. And she thought that if he just kept giving her one of those mind-altering kisses of his every time she was about to freak out, she could make it through anything. And, she thought as her inner bitch reared her ugly head fleetingly, in the years they'd been apart, he must have gotten around, because he had learned a thing or two.

Oh, she approved, definitely, but it made her sad that the learning curve had gone on without her. He had always been very, very good, and very affectionate as well, but this wicked side of him that he was starting to let out to play now and again, well, that was new. And she was enjoying it very much. As she walked into the kitchen to get a cold drink where he'd been unpacking dishes, she couldn't help but watch as he tracked her with his eyes like a predator.

He had been thinking of her, wondering where in the apartment she was, wondering how he'd gone for so long without knowing where in the world she was. Just the half hour that had passed since he'd last seen her felt like forever.

When she walked through the doorway, he couldn't keep his eyes off of her. The way she moved, the way she walked, the spring in her step, the curve of her back, the sway of her hips… he really could go on forever, he thought. She was spectacular.

_Mine_, he thought suddenly, not minding at all that he'd been caught staring. She stared right back, and he watched the fine movements of her hands as she poured herself a glass of water, and then he couldn't take his eyes off of the muscles in her throat as she drank deeply, her eyes closed and her head thrown back. Dear Lord, that had to be the sexiest thing he had ever seen.

Abandoning the dishes, he moved close, and the lust in his eyes was the first thing she saw when Carrie opened her eyes. "Mmmm," she said with a sultry smile, as if she'd just now realized the effect she was having on him, "I needed that." He cocked his head to the side, nostrils flaring, barely able to control himself now, and she loved it. She loved that she could do this to him, push him like this, make him lose his cool and his veneer of politeness and his ubiquitous gentlemanly manners. While she loved all those things about him, she loved him like this more.

Not wasting any time, he took the glass from her hands and set it carefully on the counter. And then his fragile control snapped, and he was turning her into the counter, pressing her against it with his hips as he didn't just kiss her; he inhaled her. His hands were all over her, rough and eager, and she was instantly right there with him, her own need so quickly ignited by his.

She threw her head back as she tried to temper the urgent moans that had began to spring from her throat as his fingers popped the buttons of her jeans and eagerly slid inside. He took quick advantage and moved his hot mouth down the column of her throat, kissing, licking and suckling her skin into his mouth even as his fingers began to tease her wantonly. "Oh, God, Al, we can't," she ground out, suddenly conscious of the team moving around in the next room. And didn't the noise they were making that told her just how close they were make her even hotter.

"I don't care," he growled into her shoulder as he sank his teeth into her skin, drawing another ragged moan from deep in her chest. "They can watch."

The uncharacteristic giggle that comment elicited quickly turned into a gasp as his fingers stroked into her where she was already hot and wet for him. He drew back in surprise at his discovery, and looking into eyes filled with desire—for him!—only spurred him on to attack her mouth again with his own, kissing her hungrily and absorbing her needy cries into his mouth. "Look at me, Care," he growled against her mouth as it hung open, desperately drawing in oxygen as she teetered on the edge of sanity. Oh, God, she really needed to feel him inside her but there was… just… no… time…

It was her turn to clamp down on his shoulder with her teeth, feeling his hips grind into hers in reaction even as she exploded around his fingers, shuddering and shaking with her release as he held her and continued to kiss and nip her neck ravenously.

By the time she was almost recovered, her head resting against his chest and her hands absently stroking him, he was gently removing his fingers, only to catch her eyes with his as he grinned smugly, that wicked gleam she absolutely adored back in full force as he brought his hand to his mouth and licked his fingers clean with what had to be the most erotic exaggerated movements of mouth and tongue she had ever seen in her life.

Desire instantly surged to life within her once again, pulling him close with desperate hands to take his mouth, their tongues tangling carnally as she grabbed his hips to pull him firmly into her.

Al could care less about anything but this woman right at this moment. She was driving him out of his mind. He knew they shouldn't be doing this here, not right now at least, but he was too far gone to care. He lifted her to sit on the counter and then stepped closer, the heat of her easily obvious through several layers of clothing rendering everything else moot as she wrapped her legs around his hips and kissed him back passionately. "Make them go away," she groaned. "I need you inside me."

His only response was an approving growl as he pushed himself into her harder and faster, and damned if she hadn't gotten him so worked up that he was about to lose it just from rubbing against her heat just… like… that…

They heard Roe enter the kitchen before his footsteps brought him inside, his yelled, "Hey, Carrie, you coming back or what?" serving as an almost belated warning. As it was, he could only stare as Carrie and Al stood locked together, foreheads together, trying to collect themselves. She had slid off the counter in front of him but they were still pressed together, still shaky in the wake of that all-too-brief release of passion.

They looked up as one and had to laugh at the look on his face, his head cocked to one side and his eyes narrowed in contemplation. "Are you sure this moving in thing is a good idea? How will you two ever get anything done?"

TBC…


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

Five

Dinner was pizza eaten while unpacking boxes, and Al had enjoyed the perplexed look on Carrie's face when she had realized that the heavy lifting was done and the team was still there, unpacking without complaint, trading jibes and joking good-naturedly. It made his heart hurt a little to see how genuinely unfamiliar she was with not being alone, with being part of a family, with leaning on others. It made him see just how much she had isolated herself in the intervening years since she'd been gone, and that wasn't what he'd wanted for her, not at all.

She had let the part of herself that didn't trust anyone, that was more comfortable with counting on no one but herself, take rein and take over, and it would take some time to accept what was a completely new world for her. She was trying though, for him, he thought, with a smile. He knew she wouldn't ever do it for herself, and that was all right. This was enough. She was an active participant in the conversation, however, allowing them to draw her in and accepting their teasing while giving as good as she got.

He reached the bottom of a box and looked around for another, surprised when he found there weren't any more. Looking at his watch, he saw it was almost nine o'clock, and then realized that no one had made any noises about leaving yet. He moved into the living room, passing behind the couch where Carrie sat with her legs tucked underneath her, sipping water as she talked with the others, looking around the apartment in obvious enjoyment, even as he read her own surprise at her contentment. He leaned down and kissed the back of her neck left bare as her hair was still pulled back into a ponytail, smiling at the little involuntary shiver that coursed through her as he nuzzled into her neck, dropping little kisses as he went along. She looked up at him, that smile that was just for him punching him in the gut like it always did. "Hey," she said.

"Hey, yourself," he said, resting his chin on her shoulder while his arms wrapped themselves around her. "Hey, I just got through with the last box, which means we really should go out and celebrate. My treat." He ducked a flying pillow along with complaints of how they were dressed. "Hey, we'll just go to a little bar down the street, grab a couple of beers, and then call it a night." He could see the complaint in her eyes-he knew that she had been waiting for the others to leave for hours already so that they could start christening every room in the place—and he let her know with his eyes that it was just as much on his mind as well. The others got to their feet and he leaned close to whisper in her ear in that voice that made her shiver again, "just an hour, and then you're all_ mine_." And damned if she couldn't appreciate a possessive Al Burns. After going for so long without him, she knew exactly what she was missing, and was just a little smug at the thought that tonight, he was all hers. And tomorrow, too. It was a heady thought that she didn't let go to waste as she kissed him deeply, before relenting to the catcalls of the others and reluctantly following them out of the apartment into the night.

It was just a little hole in the wall bar, very close, and Carrie raised a brow as they walked in. "Hmmm. How'd you find this place so fast? We just moved in."

He just looked at her with that smug grin she was too used to. "I have my talents." Yes, he certainly did, but she couldn't let herself get distracted by that now. Later, however... that was a different story.

They grabbed pool tables while Al brought over pitchers of beer, and settled into friendly games that quickly turned competitive. Roe beat Mike as quickly Carrie beat Nina, and then Al. Al and Mike took one out, while Roe moved in to try to challenge the champion. Al sat watching them with a small smile on his face, letting everything that he loved about her wash over him and burrow themselves into his heart. Of course, she was beautiful, but it was more than that for him: it was the light in her eyes, the way they flashed in challenge and then lit on him, just for a second, the way they changed just for a moment that was just for him. It still got him, every time.

He knew that his friend had something to say to him, and he didn't push. He had long learned the value of patience, and had no problem waiting for someone to come to him on their own time. It was a trait that served him especially well with Carrie Wells. With her, however, he was learning that sometimes he had to push, because even a patient man would be waiting forever for that mountain to come to him. Mike, however, had no such compunctions. He would come to him in his own time, as he always did.

Finally, the man turned to look at him. Mike was a pretty steady kind of guy, easygoing and practical, and he and his wife had been together forever. He was happy for the both of them, but he couldn't help but worry about his friend and lieutenant. Al Burns was a family man without a family, and he couldn't help but think that he was wasting his time with Carrie, as brilliant and beautiful as she was, and just as haunted by her past. He didn't see the possibilities for a future that Al must, or he wouldn't have moved in with the woman.

Al met his gaze evenly. He knew that there was no malicious intent behind his friend's concern. He raised his brows mildly. "Yeah, Mike? Something you want to say?" Okay, maybe not so mildly.

His friend sighed. "I probably should have initiated this conversation before the move, but are you sure you know what you're doing, Al? This seems kind of fast."

Al snorted. To him it wasn't fast enough. He thought he still had too much of a sense of urgency when it came to this woman, a need to somehow tie her down so she couldn't leave when she got overwhelmed, as she invariably did, and he was trying to work on that. Logically, he felt that he was doing well, as this had all been her idea in the first place, with no hint of the need he had to wrap her up and keep her close, keep her safe and never let her go. But he didn't say any of that, so he just smiled. "It's going well, Mike. We're good."

Mike sighed. "I'm happy for you, I really am, I guess I just thought you'd be settled down with a family by now."

Al struggled to calm the part of him that bristled at the insinuation that living with the woman he loved, had always loved, wasn't settled down. Finally he thought that he was exactly where he wanted to be, even if getting there had taken far longer than he had wanted.

Finally he sighed, looking at her and letting her laughter sink into him. "It's always been her, Mike. Even when she was gone, it was her. I tried to move on, but nothing was right without her. I'm not going to make that mistake again. She knows me, she gets me, just me, just the way I am. I don't have to be anyone else with her. I've never had that with anyone else." He didn't need his friend to understand, but he realized that he wanted him to. He wanted him to realize that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him, that he knew now that he couldn't ever be happy without her, that he wouldn't ever be whole without her.

"How does she feel about kids?" Mike mused, and Al almost smiled. Ah, so that was what he was worried about. He knew it was what she was worried about as well, and to him it was like thinking about water rationing during a monsoon. It was the last of his worries. He met his friend's eyes.

"She's on the fence, but I'm not. Any kid would be lucky to have her for a mom." Seeing that the older man still looked unconvinced, he continued. ""Come on, do you know anyone who loves deeper than she does? More committed, more loyal?" Because he certainly didn't. If anything, she went overboard for those that she loved, and maybe, coming from the background that he did, that was one of the most appealing things about her. He knew without a doubt that she would never abandon her family, that she would fight for them with everything she had. He knew that any child of hers would be loved and cherished beyond measure.

Looking thoughtful, Mike finally nodded. "That's certainly true." She had opened up a little about her search for Rachel's killer, and it was mind-boggling to him that after so much time, her commitment to her sister was still so strong. He looked at Al, at least starting to become satisfied that the man wasn't rushing into anything blind. He shrugged. "Sounds like you know what you're doing."

Al grinned, both at his friend and at the beautiful woman who was approaching them at the bar. He liked that she was comfortable enough with the team to be herself, to trust them as he did. She moved straight into him for a quick hot kiss, and he laughed at her amped-up excitement. "That was fast, baby. You kick his ass already?"

She grinned, her amusement visible in her eyes, eclipsing the darkness like he liked to see. "Too easy. I need more of a challenge. Any takers?" She looked from him to Mike easily, knowing that Mike still had reservations about them, that he was probably worried for his friend and that he'd probably been grilling him just now. She couldn't blame him for that, and didn't, making that clear by including him easily in her blanket challenge.

Mike set down his beer and rose to his feet. "Oh, you're on, little girl." Al grinned as they walked back to the pool table, this time deciding she needed a handicap as he stayed close, routinely leaning over her to share her air and run his hands over her lightly. He couldn't help it: seeing the effect he had on her as he played havoc with her concentration tickled him for some reason, probably having to do with the distance he'd had to keep between them for so long and the toll it had taken on him. He figured he owed her.

TBC…


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

**A/N: Yeah, this is gonna be an "M" chapter…**

Six

They walked back to the apartment with the others, saying their good nights on the street as their friends left, walking hand in hand to the elevator. Carrie laid her head on his shoulder, fatigue from the long day beginning to set in, but she was just enjoying this for now. It still felt like a dream that she would wake up from at any minute. Right now they were going home. To _their_ home. But really, anyplace was home with this man, and it was amazing that she, who had forgotten not one second of the time they had spent together, had taken so long to figure it out.

The elevator doors opened revealing an empty car, and they stepped in. Al pressed the button, still enjoying the feel of her next to him, the normalcy of coming home together warming him even though it was the first time, really, they had done it. He could easily see it becoming a habit. He couldn't wait to come home to her every night. For her to come home to him every night. It still didn't feel like reality to him, like it could ever be their reality. Nothing had changed, and yet everything had changed.

As the doors closed, he looked at her, and she looked at him, both of them amazed that they were on the same page, in the same book, in the same damn library, for once. They surged together immediately, uncertain of whose force would triumph, and uncaring as Carrie pushed him back against the wall, her body melting into his with all of the passion she felt for him, all of the times she had wanted him today and been unable to have him suddenly colliding inside her to meet at this moment.

She held him close, kissing him hungrily, as if it had been weeks, months since they'd been together, wondering vaguely how she had ever thought she could live without this. His hands roamed her body, sliding down her curves and molding her more tightly to him, pushing his hips into hers and making sure she knew that he needed this just as much as she did. If not more. This was everything. She was everything.

The car stopped, and they moved, reluctantly, still pressed tightly together, uncaring if there were neighbors waiting as the doors opened. Fuck, he thought, why didn't they just buy a damn house? Then they would have been through the doors already.

And then they were, and he was pushing the door closed and locking it even while she was pushing him up against it to lose herself in his taste again, as if it was the only thing that mattered. The only thing that would ever matter. And then he was reversing their positions, pushing her up against the door with the heat and force of his own body, stepping in between her legs as he slid his hands down the long curve of her back to her jeans-clad ass to lift her against him, his mouth swallowing her gasp of delight as he brought her core demandingly against the bulge in his jeans as her legs wound around him without pause, as if it was her fault that he was this raw and this hard and this hungry for her right now. Well, it was. He pushed against her again and she moaned, grinding into him as her fingers went to the hem of his shirt and his mouth fastened itself onto that spot on her neck, _right there_, that made her come apart.

Carrie threw her head back, unable to resist this, unable to wait another second to be skin-to-skin with this man. She pushed up his shirt, raking her nails down his chest, using the strength of her hips to push off from the door and force him to move in the direction of the bedroom. The couch. The kitchen table. Oh hell, she wasn't picky. Any flat surface would do right now.

But it wouldn't do for him, because he had been envisioning her stretched out on their kitchen table since this morning, and he staggered the few extra steps hurriedly as her mouth latched onto his neck, moving down his chest just as he successfully slid her onto the table, working on her clothes as she worked on him. He got her naked about the same time she pushed his jeans over his hips, her eyes hot and hungry on his. Her nails skimmed over his belly to take him in her hand, hot and hard, and he growled his pleasure as he laid her back on the table, memorizing the way she looked right now, wanton and panting for him as he followed her down, worshipping her with his hands and his mouth as she arched off the table toward him. "Al, _please_," she ground out, and he smiled, moving his mouth across her skin until she cried out again and his restraint broke at the sound.

He smiled darkly at the perfect height of the table as he slid deep in one long stroke, his groan of satisfaction mingling with hers as he filled her completely, barely registering the bite of her nails sinking into his skin, and then her teeth, sinking into his shoulder. He thrust again and again, his hips snapping, all thoughts of slow and teasing forgotten as need took over.

Carrie gave up on all conscious thought as his mouth returned to her skin, licking and nipping and sucking her into his mouth until she was mindless and begging underneath him, desperately dragging him closer with her hands on his shoulders and her legs wrapped around his hips. She had long given up consciously cataloguing the delicious sensations that this man evoked, knowing a satisfaction for once that her mind would save all the details for her to access later, because she wanted to remember every second of this, every action and reaction. Drawing back, he lifted her leg up over his shoulder, driving into her instantly at the new, deeper angle, growling with satisfaction at the way her mouth dropped open in instant reaction, and then she dropped her head back, clutching him tightly to her as she was overwhelmed with sensation, his name the only coherent word to cross her lips as she voiced the momentous pleasure he had catapulted her headfirst into.

And Al was right behind her, his mouth on the curve of her neck where it met her shoulder, holding her with his teeth this time as he reached his own mind-blowing finish, collapsing onto her and holding her close, smiling into her skin as she held him tightly, refusing to let go when he would have rolled off to avoid crushing her. Finally he lifted his head just enough to look into her eyes, smiling at the soft look of satisfied amusement held within their depths. "Kitchen table: check," he told her with a grin, enjoying the sound of her laughter as he lowered his forehead to hers. "God, I've been thinking of you stretched out on this table all damn day." She giggled, running her fingers through his damp hair.

"You ready to move this to the bedroom?" The breathless, hopeful tone of her voice had him grinning again as he regained enough feeling in his legs to stand, finally, and pull her to him.

"Oh yeah," he growled lasciviously against her throat as he pulled her tightly to his body, kissing her deeply, making sure she knew that he was more than ready for round two.

Carrie lay on her side, studying him openly, as he studied her right back while running a hand lazily from her face, over her shoulder and down the length of her body and then back up again. No words were necessary. On the next upstroke, she captured Al's hand in hers, bringing it to her mouth while her eyes stayed on his, kissing ever surface of it and then just rubbing it across her lips, enjoying the feel of every surface of his skin. "Tell me something," she said finally. He cocked a brow, waiting as patiently as he always did. "Five years from now. Where do you see us?"

That brow lowered thoughtfully as his head cocked, a silent question which she answered with pursed lips and a mild grimace. "Yes, _honestly_. No, Al, I want you to lie to me." That brow flew up again. _Okay, you asked for it_. She fought to hold back her grin. She swore they didn't even need to talk to each other anymore. It no longer scared her just how much they were in each other's heads.

He leaned back against the pillows, pulling her with him across the bed until her head rested on his shoulder, next to his. He leaned his head against hers, focusing on the far wall of their bedroom as if it were a movie screen and he was attending a private viewing of the scene she had just asked him for. She did grin now, because while the past was her specialty, the future was his, and she needed it desperately, his hope and his vision. She trusted him to be honest with her, more so, she thought, than anybody else in her life.

"Hmmm… okay. Five years. Close your eyes." She smiled widely, because, really, he was such a big kid sometimes, but she did it anyway. As much as he liked to say that she could get him to do all kinds of things he didn't want to do, without half trying, she knew it was the same for her, if not more so, in his case. He glanced over, checking, and her smile deepened, knowing exactly what he was doing. She felt his warm breath on her face and bit her lower lip, trying hard now to keep herself from laughing. She felt him drop a small kiss to the corner of her mouth, and then felt him settle back next to her. "Well, you knew I had to check," he groused.

"Okay. Five years. I see you… in a house. Big house." Carrie grinned again at his description. "Our house. Nice place. Lots of color. You're so freaking big… oh, wait, you're pregnant… very pregnant. You look like you're about to pop, and you're just so beautiful. I'm there with you, and we're eating dinner together, and you're just so damn beautiful." His voice had gone soft and husky, and Carrie stared at him, her eyes wide, struck dumb not only by the catch in his voice but the look in his eyes, that love he had in them, for _her_, so clear and true. He smiled and raised that right brow again. "Want to hear the rest?"

Carrie nodded, because she had no words right now, and he reached over and pulled her face next to his again. "At the table is a high chair, and there is this beautiful chubby-faced kid, and he's got big brown eyes full of mischief, talking a mile a minute, gets that from you." Al looked over at her then, his smile igniting at the sight of her face open and rapt, afraid to listen but at the same time unable to stop. "And he's only got eyes for you; that's how much he loves you. I'm chopped liver next to you." Carrie laughed at that picture, a lone tear spilling over that he quickly wiped away with his thumb. "Oh, and you've got this big rock on your finger, because, caveman that I am, I had to stake my claim."She laughed again, incredulously this time, because who in the world would ever see such a thing? In _her_ future?

She sure as hell couldn't. And that was what she needed him for. Because he could.

"I want that," she said quietly, so quietly he could barely hear it over the thud of his own heart. He still had a sense of a line with her that he wanted to come close to but not shove her over, a cliff that he didn't want to push her over, or he would never be able to scale it to get back to where they'd been. He hoped this wasn't pushing her too hard, but she had asked him for the truth, and he wouldn't deny her that. So knowing he hadn't pushed too far gave him a surge of relief so strong that it had him rolling her over and pushing her down into the mattress, framing her face in his hands and kissing her deeply.

She kissed him back, wholeheartedly, her eyes closing in bliss as he got distracted by the long line of her throat and began kissing all his favorite places from memory, mapping his trail in earnest while she encouraged him with caressing hands. He lifted his head for just a second, his wicked grin making her laugh all over again, in sheer delight. "I'm glad. Let's start now," he growled, just before he dropped his head back down to her skin and got lost in her again.

TBC…


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

Seven

Fall was unbelievably smooth and anticlimactic. Carrie and Al had settled into their home and their life together with ease. Work was work; nothing had changed, except at the end of the day they went home together. If anything, work was even smoother because Al and Carrie were on the same page and practically finished each other's sentences by this point. From there, everything had changed, but in completely agreeable ways, to both of their surprise and delight.

Carrie found that her need to take risks was abated somehow now that she was no longer alone. She had thought that she would resent having him watching over her shoulder and constantly keeping her in line, but, to her surprise, she didn't feel that way at all. The few times she had crossed the line, in fact, the man had been right there with her egging her on. They took the risks together, and she knew he was there to have her back, should anything go wrong. It delighted her to no end that she seemed to bring out the wild side in Al Burns, and he definitely brought out the lighter, playful side of her that she wasn't always conscious existed at all. With him it did.

They went to several of his high-profile events, and she not only looked unbelievably drop-dead gorgeous on his arm, but she livened up those once-mind-numbingly boring events so much that he actually began looking forward to them. Their high-risk semi-public rendezvous at said events were just the icing on the cake. Wanting her constantly brought out the wicked side of him that no one else ever had, so much so that he had become the one to drag her off in the middle of dinner for a hookup more often than she was these days. Not that she was complaining. She was having a blast. They were co-conspirators once again, and neither one had never been happier.

They began to sift through Sam's boxes of files together, at home in the evenings, and had followed several leads that so far hadn't panned out. But Al made sure she knew they were in it together, and somehow that knowledge and the quiet, unswerving patience that he brought to everything tempered her obsession along with her thirst for answers. It slowly took a back burner to the other events of their lives, no longer the only thing she lived for, no longer her sole reason for getting up in the morning.

She still visited her mother regularly, sometimes alone and sometimes accompanied by Al. Alice had been overjoyed to hear that they were living together, and Carrie sometimes wished that her own memories were those of her mother. She didn't remember that they had ever been apart, and Carrie often wished that she didn't, either. Things were going so well that it was easy, for everyone but her, to believe that they had always been together, the way they would have if she hadn't let her own anxiety and obsession take over her life. She often thought that Al was far too forgiving, although she was grateful that he was. Her mind constantly reminded her of all the things she had said and done to hurt him, and she thought that if she were in his place there was no way she could have forgiven all that she had done. It was a good thing she wasn't. She would have missed out on so much.

She lay awake on Thanksgiving morning, loathe to move from her very comfortable position, wrapped as she was in his arms with his hard chest at her back. They had grown so close that she was always surprised that he knew her so well and loved her anyway. He would say he loved her because he knew her so well, but she still couldn't believe it; it was still easier to think that he loved her in spite of all that she was. She couldn't stand herself most of the time, but she hated the person she was with him much less than the person she was alone. He softened her sharp edges, she supposed, even as she usually wasn't even aware of it at all.

She had asked him if he wanted to go home for Thanksgiving, and he had looked at her askance. He hadn't been home for the holidays in years, and had no desire to go. He wanted to spend the day with her, and maybe go see her mom if she was up to it, and she was both surprised and not. He thought of her first in everything he did, and it really shouldn't surprise her at this point; that was Al. He was happy to be wherever she was. And she was pretty happy to be wherever he was as well.

So she probably shocked the both of them when she haltingly asked him what he thought of doing dinner at their place, as it was their first in the apartment, and they had a lot to be thankful for. He had done nothing to betray what she thought had to be utter amazement, just taken her hand in his and kissed her knuckles with a murmured, "whatever you want." She had to smile, thinking about it, because the man probably had a PhD. in handling her by now. He had it down to a science.

She smiled again when she felt him wake up behind her, his arms tightening around her and his hands beginning to roam and she felt his warm breath on the back of her neck as he began to drop soft kisses there. She didn't think she would ever get tired of waking up to him just like this. She turned her head back to kiss him. "Good morning." It always amazed her how happy he was to wake up with her, every single day.

"Mmm," he murmured against her skin. "Yes, it is."

They went to her mother's early, since they needed to be back to start the turkey for dinner, and Alice didn't mind in the least. She was particularly clear today, for her at least, as if the fact that Al was there brought her own daughter that much more clearly into the focus of her mind's eye, the way it often did. Carrie had ceased to be bothered by it, letting herself be thankful for once that her mother was there with her, as much as she could be, and they shared memories of Thanksgivings past as easily as if those memories weren't often just out of her grasp. Carrie had come prepared with the pictures of their new home together that her mother had asked for, just in case she happened to remember, and much to her surprise, Alice did. She was delighted that her daughter looked so happy with her longtime partner, as far as she knew, since she didn't recall them as ever being apart. She did ask Al when he was going to "finally" make an honest woman of her daughter, rather imperiously, Carrie thought with chagrin, to which Al only smiled mysteriously and brought the hand he held in his to his lips, saying only, "all in due time, Alice, all in due time."

Carrie glanced at him worriedly, hoping he wasn't going for some grand gesture she wasn't ready for, the thought of hurting him with her own residual fears not one she relished, but his answering smile calmed her somehow. How he knew her so well and could still stand to be around her she would never know.

They were back home with the turkey in the oven when Al turned to her with that smile that heated her blood. There were few locations in their apartment they hadn't made the most of at this point, having passed the six-month mark, and yet somehow the man always came up with something. God, she loved the way his mind worked.

In the end it was Carrie and Al, Roe, Nina and Joanne around the table, as the others had other plans. There was much laughter and discussion over the varied dishes everyone had contributed, and as she sat quietly while the conversation ebbed and flowed easily around her, Carrie thought that she was more comfortable in her own skin than she could ever remember being. She sat for so long trying to remember that Al turned to her unobtrusively, concerned enough to check on her even while he knew he was taking his life into his hands for doing so. It was still so hard to just sit back and wait for her to ask for help when she needed it, knowing that both of their definitions of that particular circumstance varied greatly.

"You okay?" he asked her, sliding a hand easily over her shoulder and behind her neck, taking in her answering smile with relief and pleasure. Even as he knew things wouldn't always be this good, wouldn't always be this calm, it didn't bother him in the least. These times made it worth it.

TBC...

**A/N: Okay, so I had this little Thanksgiving scene in mind, and I sat down to write it and all this other stuff popped out ahead of it! I guess I owed all of you since I haven't updated this in forever! Thanks for reading! R&R please! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** Not mine

**Eight**

In was inevitable, really, that sooner or later they would have a case with a kid and would have to work with Elaine again. Of course, there were other social workers in the world; would it have been too much to ask for her to ask someone else to take this one, knowing it was her case? Sighing mentally, Carrie walked into the room where the woman was talking quietly with the little girl.

Ever polite, Elaine nodded frostily. "Detective Wells."

Carrie nodded back, not bothering with a greeting. She knelt in front of the girl, who was staring urgently at her now, pleading with her eyes not to let her go, to let her stay and help with the case. But there really wasn't much else she could do at this point. She had already given all the information she could, and drawing this out wouldn't do anyone any good. "I wanted to say thank you before you left," she told Cassandra quietly. "You did very well, and we have a lot of leads now that we wouldn't have had without you. You were very brave to get all of that information for us, and for your mom. We wouldn't have had a chance without you. We'll get him," she promised, "thanks to you. It's okay, you can go now. You've done everything you can. Ms. Margulies will take good care of you, find you a safe place to stay tonight." She may not like the woman personally, but she was good at what she did.

She stood with a smile as the girl reluctantly gathered her things. Inevitably her gaze went to Elaine. It wasn't like she could completely ignore her. And then she was surprised when the look of condemnation she had expected to see on the other woman's face was inexplicably absent. Surprisingly, Elaine smiled. "I'm glad you finally let him in," she said quietly. "He deserves to be loved completely."

Carrie didn't have anything to say to that. While she had never imagined agreeing with Elaine about anything, she had to agree with that statement. He did. And he was. He was everything to her once again, as much as that still terrified her, but she was getting more and more used to it with every day that passed. They were living together and the world hadn't ended. She trusted him with all of her dark sides and he hadn't made her regret it once. He accepted them as parts of her just as unguardedly as all of the others. So now she just cocked her head and smiled mildly. She couldn't really hate this woman. She had given them both a much-needed nudge and Carrie couldn't be more grateful. A lesser woman would have kept him anyway, knowing he wasn't hers and wouldn't ever be.

"Was that Elaine I saw leaving?" Al commented mildly. "Funny she didn't stop in to say hi." His tone said that he wasn't surprised at all. He looked at Carrie, a smirk in his eyes. "I didn't hear a scuffle, so I'm assuming it went okay."

Carrie smirked back at him. "I dumped my coffee. Not sure if she poisoned it or not, but it was in there with her for a while, so I'm not taking any chances."

He stood and stepped right into the middle of her personal space. "Well then you're going to need more. We need to rectify this problem right away." Carrie laughed and ducked away from him.

They walked together down to Starbuck's, and out on the street Al took her hand lightly in his. She let him, happy enough to be with him and enjoying the contact. "I just don't understand what you saw in her," she said offhandedly, her tone conveying her genuine puzzlement, surprised at her own words, and he grinned. She hadn't been able to say the woman's name in months; her hatred had been that strong. This was the first time they'd spoken of her.

"She was straightforward and uncomplicated," Al said easily. "No drama. No issues. And she liked me."

"Ha," Carrie said, still fuming at the thought of that woman with _her man_, completely missing the delighted amusement that colored his features as he watched her. She wasn't jealous, not now at least, but the memories currently firing off in her mind of the two of them together still made her see red. Finally she looked up and saw the humor on his face, as well as that gentle look of patience that she was used to. "You never had anything to worry about," he said quietly. "She wasn't you."

"I was tired of being alone with my memories and she was there," he said, "but I could never have loved her. Not like this. Not like you. I didn't think of her seven hundred times a day. I didn't text her a hundred times a day when I thought of something I needed to tell her, or wanted to share just to make her laugh." Carrie just looked at him, knowing that soft sappy smile was there on her face. She just couldn't help it sometimes.

"I know," she told him, pulling him close to kiss him lingeringly. "Your heart was safe. Mine was safe too." She couldn't very well have given it to someone else. He had still had it in his possession, no matter where she was or how much time had passed.

"I'm very glad." He wished they didn't have to back to work. He wanted to be buried inside her right now, and made sure he told her that with his eyes. In lieu of that right now, he simply brought her close with a hand buried in her hair and kissed her long and deep and thorough, letting her see in his eyes that tonight, at home, she would be all his. She read it easily, smiling seductively with the thoughts of what was to come. God, she loved this man.

Back in the office, Mike was looking for Al and not having any luck. "Do you know where he is?" he asked Nina and Roe.

"No, but Elaine was here a little while ago. Carrie may have felt the need to mark her territory."

They looked up as one as a drink holder filled with steaming coffees appeared in front of them, and Carrie was beside Al, a smirk on her face, still walking back to her own desk. "Not just now, but maybe later," she called behind her with a grin. The look on Al's face said he was ready for anything.

ooooo

Carrie sighed, pushing back from her desk just enough to rest her head in her hands and drop her elbows heavily onto the desktop. She was trying not to let herself get frustrated, but it was difficult. Another Christmas and she was still no closer to answers. And damn it, Al must be getting to her more than she'd ever thought possible because lately she'd been seeing her sister in more than just her memories, and it wasn't something she'd ever counted on doing. She figured the blame—and the credit—for these wholly unexpected occurrences had to rest with Al. Al was the only thing that was different now in her life, different enough to bring about this kind of change.

She was seeing Rachel in her dreams. Not nightmares anymore; she was seeing her sister now in dreams, and the direction they were taking wasn't one she could have predicted.

Her sister wanted her to let her go.

It wasn't something she thought she would ever be able to do, and the thought that these were the impulses of her own subconscious mind bothered her impossibly. This wasn't her choice to make. This wasn't a right she gave herself, to choose to be happy and let go of the past. It wasn't what she wanted to do.

Was it?

Where had it come from, otherwise?

In her dreams now, Rachel was happy for her, relaxed, content, at peace. And she wanted the same for her sister. She wanted her to be happy and safe and loved. Which she was, undoubtedly, but when Rachel asked her why she was holding back, why she wasn't letting herself be truly happy, Carrie was at a loss for words. How could she? It simply wasn't possible, not until she knew the truth about that day. Not until someone paid.

And now she was dreaming that Rachel couldn't care less about that. That where she was, she thought it was time that Carrie let go and lived. And that bothered her, more than she could say. Because it wasn't something that she could give her sister. It wasn't something that she'd been able to do, years ago, even to keep Al. It wasn't something she could do now. Was it?

Damn it. She couldn't think about this now. She didn't know what to do about it. She was losing sleep and she was pretty sure Al was just biding his time before confronting her on what the hell was going on with her. He was giving her the opportunity to come to him, to trust him. And she did. But she was pretty sure Al was going to think she was worrying about nothing. And she didn't want to hear it right now.

Her phone rang, startling her out of her own thoughts. She took the lead gratefully, really needing something to occupy her mind right now. Striding out, the team was nowhere to be found, and Al wasn't in his office. Just as well. She needed some time with her own thoughts before she saw him again. Her thoughts were too jumbled right now to make sense of even to herself; she needed some time, and that was hard enough to get now that they lived together. This little trip would take an hour at the most, and then she'd see him back here, and maybe they'd have a chance to talk. Looking at her watch, she had to smile at the timing. It was perfect. She'd bring him lunch and they'd talk. He'd love it; he'd have positive confirmation that his policy of trusting her to come to him was finally starting to work.

She sent him a quick text to let him know where she'd be and headed out.

TBC…


End file.
